I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
