we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
