its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
