He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
