Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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