i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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