i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
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