RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
