New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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