ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
