After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
