My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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