Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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