did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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