are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
