Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
