i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
