I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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