I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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