my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
