My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
