Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
