Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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