We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
