you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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