I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
