My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I licked your asshole in confidence.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
