The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
