she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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