I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
