Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
