i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
