Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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