just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
