I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
