she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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