It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
