omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Randomize
