He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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