Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i believe in u and ur pee
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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