if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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