Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Sober January is a disaster.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
