Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My balls are so social today.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
