I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I've blown a few things in my day
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
