The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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