I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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