I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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