I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
