We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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