There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
