i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
