Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
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