I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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