I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
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