You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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