Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
