idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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